A Visit

Heyllo, just so that you know i have not been in a depressed mood or anything i just had nothing to post! But anyway, Yesterday my father and my nearly non-existent half brother stopped by my house, picked me up and took me out to eat.

It was kind of strange for me to be around them. I just saw my dad last year in Indiana, but it's been practically 4 years since I saw my brother. and when i got home (which was around 9:30) my mom expected me to cry. And i thought I would too, it was practically what I did after I got home whenever I saw them. I would cry because I missed them. I would cry because I was angry. But I didn't cry, not this time. I guess it was because I have learned to live without them. Without them promising to protect me, without them just being there. And I'm okay with them not being here, because I've learned how to protect myself. I have learned how to be strong for me.

I guess it took spending this evening with them for me to realize, that I was a total absolute stranger to them. I was the stranger looking in. My brother and my father would have a relationship that i know and understand that I could never be apart of. The only way I even really have a relationship with my brother is because of my father. When I was younger I knew that whatever happened I could rely on my brother. But now that I have grown, I can see that we are on two totally different levels. He just got out of high school, and I'm just going in. and I'm okay with that, because I know that no matter what, my brother is strong enough to move on with his life. Both of us were strong enough to live our own separate lives. and our father is the glue that holds us together.

I guess that you could say that my family is messed up, weird, and the like. But their not, we are all just trying to live our lives while keeping ties with each other tight. And even if you were to call my family screwed up, I wouldn't care, because I love them more then they could ever imagine. And no matter what someone says about my family, that fact will always be the same.

Love,
Yuuka