NonExistant

Everyone has their moments when they want to change thier past, right? Well, what would you change? What would happen if you changed it? How would you be different now? Would you be different?

My past isnt the greatest and it varies in color depending on where you look. And sometimes I look back and wish I could change something I did, or said. A lot of the time its those moments when I hurt the people closest to me. And some of them are when people hurt me. Then, I have those moments where I wished I didnt exist at all. But then I think of the butterfly effect.

The butterfly effect is when something in the past is changed and everything else changes. It states that even if you change something small, like what shoes you wore, and such. When I think of this I think of the people I met and what would happen to them if I wasnt there. I dont want to sound like a snob, and I'm not trying to, but I think of all the people I met and helped. I think of all the times I was able to smile, all the friends I made. And then I start thinking about the what ifs.

After a while, (and every time I think about it) I realize that I love the way my life is. I love the people I met, even if they did me wrong. I love them because they helped make me who I am today. They hepled me get through bigger challenges. Because all those people, who hurt me, who left me, (which are quite a few) helped make me stronger. And over time I saw who my real friends and family are.

Your family doesnt have to be blood related, your family are the people who love you for you. They are the people who have seen you at your worst and your best. They are the people who have seen you cry and seen you happy. They are the people that will catch you if you fall. I have got to say, it took me a long time to figure that out. And it took the people who I thought was closest to leave me. And I fell into this useless cycle of hating myself. And I smiled even though it hurt and I laughed even though I wanted to cry. I tried to hide how I felt from the people who could see pasts all my masks. And I hurt them. A lot. One day a bunch of them came up to me and told me that they knew and understood what I was going through. And i told them everything, I told them all about my past and what I had been through. And I cried And cried and cried until I could cry anymore. And they were still there. Thats when I learned who my family was.

So in the end, even if I had the chance to change something in my past, I wouldnt. I would keep everything the way it is. Yeah my past is painful and scary but it is also happy and fun. For me, the option of changing my past is nonexistant. Because I have learned how to except myself as well as the people around me for who they are.

And for one friend out there, you should know this too. You have people who love you and care about you. You have no idea how lucky you are. And I understand about the whole family thing, I get it. And I know it hurts like crazy. But trust me you will make it through. And I know your whole pack would back me up on this but they love you, they really do. To them you are thier family. You have been there to help so many of them, now let them help you. And belive me, there will always be people to help you out. Even in the darkest of nights, there is always a light that can help you find your way.

Love,
Yuuka