This question has bothered me for a while. Mainly because I ask myself how well do other people. And that comes around to how well do people know me. The awnser to that? Not very well.
I figured, when I was younger, that i should never let anyone close to me. Because in the end all it did was hurt. So I built up walls and masks, to try to hide and keep the real me safe from peoples prying eyes. And as I grew I found that I was okay. I never let anyone get too close and hurt me. But I had never let anyone close enough to love me for who I was. I was solitary and at the time, I liked it that way. I made friends, yeah. But they would always get a mask. Then, I moved, and I wanted to try something different, to start fresh, and I did. I took down a few of my walls and got rid of most of my masks. And it worked, somewhat. I actually started to care more, and get more attatched to the people I met. Therefore, when they hurt me, it really hurt. A lot.
And eventually what happened is that I had to stop friendships which killed me inside. Because other people were hurting. I guess I have to go back a bit. When I was younger, i was around my father who was drunk on occasion and he went through G.F. after G.F. An it was as if he was going through them like tissues. So I promised myself that I would care about people more to make up for what my father did. . . . . .and thats were my problem formed. I pulled down walls and I started to care a lot more. Caring for me is like a double edged sword. On one side it can help people, and keepthem smiling and laughing, on the other side, it can hurt me greatly. And, because of my caringness (is that even a word?) I was used, and walked on (though, theres this quote from Kanye West that said "If your not used your useless" or something along those lines). So, thst in turn made me a bit more sensitive then others would think. Then, I created another mask, my mask of strength. It helped me fool others, or what I had thought was fooling other into believing I was okay. And I wasnt. I went home and cryed practically every night. Thats when I found my friends who were able to climb over my walls and see me for who I was. Which is what I had said happened in my preivious post.
Anyway, it still always has me wondering. How much do I let people know me? I dont even know the anwser to that question. But I want you to anwser it. How much do you let people know you?
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i would have posted earlier, but I went up to my room and cried. I think you might be my long-lost twin. My dad, he, drinks, too. If you took out the part about g.f's, then it would be my life. I put up walls, I kept people out, and I put up masks. And I tend to be a perfectionist so it doesn't make him mad. And for your question, I don't have an answer because I have the same problem. Do I let people in, or keep them out? This sounds kinda... theripisty, but I think you should have a circle. Outside the circle, you can have a ton of friends that you talk to, put I don't tell them secrets. More of small talk. and then I have a few (1-4) friends that I tell my secrets to. I can let my guard down, because with them I am usually sure that I won't get hurt. I can never be 100% positive, but I have a feeling they won't hurt me. I've got one friend who I tell most of my school stuff, (Chloe), and a friend I tell all of my dad/family crap. That works really well!!!!!!! I would try it, it helps a little.
ReplyDelete~Lily
Do you have an email address?
Yep, I do. . . . I have three actually. I can email you using your aol adress if you want. And I totally agree with what you have. I have a lot of people in my outer circle, and about 4 or 5 people on my innner.
ReplyDeleteYuuka
Yukka~
ReplyDeleteSameness, my email address is Sydny1997@aol.com
Send me an email with wahtever address you check the most!
ttyl.
ily,
Lily
Ne, yuuka... it's kinda hard knowing you though with your MPD... I would say split personality but it's not that anymore, is it? XD
ReplyDeleteWith your reasoning, that's the reason why you can pull down barriers but not all of them. Keep up your guard with outsiders and let some down with those you are goo friends with. But don't let everything down... you get too vulnerable. That's what I do. Happiness is probably the best barrier that can protect you from anything when you need it. That's where false happiness and fake smiles are for... I do that even now with other people. I know.. it's mean.
Kimi... let down some guards geez... show some sympathy for once... or do some 100x more as I said so already... ^^
Yuuka, if you want to know someone or for someone to know you, you have to let them do that. If you keep up your gaurds, it's hard for many people and you never know... one of them could be your best friends someday or even better. Haru still didn't update Kota High yet >.<